I didn't feel myself tense.

My arms hurt for weeks until I finally asked Jeremy (my husband) to massage them. His hands worked through the knots and soreness.

Somewhere in the middle of the massage, my muscles clenched tight. I didn't notice but he did.

I finally noticed his pause and asked, "Did you stop?"

He responded: "You tensed".

"I'm not tense," I shot back immediately.

Then I checked. I was absolutely tense.

As I pondered this, I am reminded of how easy it is to miss the tension in ourselves.

If I can't notice tension in my own body, in my own arms, under someone's hands actively working on them, what else am I missing?

What am I doing in conversations that I think is self- and neighbor-loving but is defensive? What tone am I using that I think is neutral but is sharp? What face am I making that I think is open but is closed? What am I saying that reveals a lot about what I am actually feeling?

Blind spots are everywhere. They're in the way you hold your body, the way you breathe, the way you respond to touch, the way you receive help, the way you say something. 

You can do all the healing work. You can read all the books and go to therapy. You can understand your self-sacrificial patterns intellectually. You can name your triggers and identify your wounds.

And you still won't notice when you slip back into self-sacrificial behaviors in the moment. The types of patterns that put you on the defensive or take you back to who you used to be.

Knowing about your patterns and catching yourself in real time are two completely different things.

This is why Proverbs 27:17 says "As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another." 

You need people who see you. Not just people who love you. People who are paying attention. People who notice the shift. People who will pause and tell you what they're seeing.

Because you won't always see yourself. And that blindspot you can't see keeps you going around in circles way longer than you should.
 

Your Pink Flamingo Dare:

Ask someone you trust, "What do you notice about me that I might not see?" Then listen without defending.

And when you know, reply and let me know.

With pink flamingo love,

Chanel

How To Work With Me:

1. GET MY BOOK

Order my book In Search of the Pink Flamingo: Ditch the Expectations of Others, Own Your Voice, and Be Your Unusual Self

Click here to order it now!

"I've been called vocal my whole life, but not once did I ever feel like my voice belonged to me. I fell in love with myself and who I can be while reading this book. I found myself crying, contemplating things I've gone through and finally being at peace with several parts of my story. I am finding my pink flamingo – I found her in the pages of this book and so can you." 

— KH

2. WORK WITH ME IN THE PINK FLAMINGO CLUB

Are you a recovering people-pleaser or someone healing from constant self-sacrifice who feels untethered in everyday moments as you relearn how to love yourself AND others and show up as your truest "pink flamingo" self in every area of life?

The Pink Flamingo Club is the safe practice space and community to be. It is currently the only way to work with me personally for the foreseeable future.

Click here to fly into the Pink Flamingo Club 

"In just a few short months, I have found witness to my experience,[and] the realization that I'm not alone. I have found the courage to look into...the deep, dark corners and find a way to look at those emotions, look at the person that I've allowed myself to become, and honor the reasons that I became that way, in a way forgive myself and really be proud of myself for developing strength and resilience...  And so, now I feel that I can take on every day. Now I feel like I have a much more pure outlook on my future. I have more confidence in the woman that I want to be in, how I show up in relationship with other people, in relationship with myself, and I look forward to a future that is going to be filled with certainty & a safety that's coming from really myself and my faith, knowing that God is there to protect, to love, to forgive, to give me ideas, to help shape me into the woman that He really destined me to be according to His plan. So if any of this resonates, I would say wholeheartedly, come to one of our monthly meetups and have the experience." 

— AN