You think what he said made you angry.
You think the sting in your chest came from his tone, his words, the way his face tightened in the middle of the sentence.
But that’s not the real culprit. The real one hides under the surface.

There’s a quiet sliver of a moment that happens between their action and your feeling and reaction that most people never notice.

It’s small, but it carries the whole weight of your emotional world. And if no one teaches you how to look for it and what to do with that moment, you'll spend your life blaming the wrong thing and person while carrying burdens that were never meant to be yours.

Let's go back a bit:

I used to think other people’s actions were the reason I felt the way I felt.
If someone ignored my message, I felt unworthy.
If someone snapped at me, I felt responsible for fixing it.
If someone frowned when I spoke, I felt like I had done something wrong.

That changed when I learned: they acted, and I made meaning out of their action. The meaning - not the action - is what sent the heat to my cheeks and the tightness to my throat. My thoughts, not their behavior, were the ones pulling the strings of my emotions.

If someone ignored my message, my thoughts said "they don't love or value me." No wonder, I felt worthless and betrayed.

If someone snapped at me, my thoughts said "they're mad at me and will leave." No wonder, I felt anxious and jumped in to fix it.

If someone frowned when I spoke, I felt panic, "They do not like me/it."

Now, let's talk about you...
If you look closely, you’ll see the same pattern in your life after years of believing you had to pour into others at the expense of yourself...

Your life trained you to look outward instead of inward, to search for something or someone to blame so you don’t have to face the harder truth.

The truth that your interpretation -  the quiet sentence you whispered to yourself - is what shaped your reaction.

Not him. Not them. Not the situation.
You.

Owning that truth fosters the kind of inner leadership that lifts you out of the reactive chaos of the world and places you back in charge of your own life, with God at the forefront.

You can’t control what he does. You can’t choreograph how someone else speaks or behaves or misunderstands you.
But you can choose the meaning you assign to the moment. You can choose to check if your interpretation is correct.

That’s where your radiant pinkest flamingo self lives. 
Not in the blame game but...
In the pause between the event and your response. In the thoughts you’re brave enough to examine and claim.

Owning that space transforms you into the person who no longer dissolves at someone else’s tone or expression. You know the difference between the action and the meaning you once rushed to attach to it.

That’s the pink flamingo life: emotional leadership. A life where your peace stops depending on someone else’s behavior. A life where you choose the story you stand in (and pause to examine your interpretation).

Own your part. You didn't cause everything. But it’s the only way you’ll ever reclaim yourself.
 

Your Pink Flamingo Dare:

Today, think of a moment when you said, "[name of person] made me feel [x]". Sit down and write out the thoughts that drove that feeling.

With pink flamingo love,

Chanel

P.S. Are you done pouring into others at the expense of yourself, but you don't yet know how to live as the person who loves yourself AND others in everyday moments and relationships? The Pink Flamingo Club is your home to be. Reply "pink" for the deets.

How To Work With Me:

1. GET MY BOOK

Order my book In Search of the Pink Flamingo: Ditch the Expectations of Others, Own Your Voice, and Be Your Unusual Self

Click here to order it now!

"I've been called vocal my whole life, but not once did I ever feel like my voice belonged to me. I fell in love with myself and who I can be while reading this book. I found myself crying, contemplating things I've gone through and finally being at peace with several parts of my story. I am finding my pink flamingo – I found her in the pages of this book and so can you." 

— KH

2. WORK WITH ME IN THE PINK FLAMINGO CLUB

Are you done pouring into others at the expense of yourself, but you don't yet know how to live as the person who loves yourself AND others in everyday situations and relationships?

The Pink Flamingo Club is your safe haven to master the skill of confidently loving your neighbor AS your truest God-aligned "pink flamingo" self. It is the only way to work with me personally for the foreseeable future.

Click here to fly into the Pink Flamingo Club 

"In just a few short months, I have found witness to my experience,[and] the realization that I'm not alone. I have found the courage to look into...the deep, dark corners and find a way to look at those emotions, look at the person that I've allowed myself to become, and honor the reasons that I became that way, in a way forgive myself and really be proud of myself for developing strength and resilience...  And so, now I feel that I can take on every day. Now I feel like I have a much more pure outlook on my future. I have more confidence in the woman that I want to be in, how I show up in relationship with other people, in relationship with myself, and I look forward to a future that is going to be filled with certainty & a safety that's coming from really myself and my faith, knowing that God is there to protect, to love, to forgive, to give me ideas, to help shape me into the woman that He really destined me to be according to His plan. So if any of this resonates, I would say wholeheartedly, come to one of our monthly meetups and have the experience." 

— AN